Learning to Listen

The next election cycle has started to intensify, and it has me considering the ways that we engage in dialogue around topics on which we may disagree. There seems to have been a shift away from a willingness to engage in discourse with those who hold differing ideas to a one-sided volleying of tweets intended to criticize without the openness for conversation. As we come to the end of the month in which we celebrate the life, legacy, and ideas of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I am reminded of his speech from 1962 at Cornell College, where he said, “I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.”

I had the opportunity to meet Cory Booker eleven years ago when he was the mayor of Newark. His commitment to improving the city took him off the path of “traditional” democratic ideas when he looked to improve the education of young people through charter schools. This work spurred an invitation for Booker to be the keynote speaker at a gala for a Boston-area conservative think tank. Would this happen in today’s political climate? Booker, a registered Democrat and mayor of a major city, being invited to speak to a room filled with Republicans from another major city? It is certainly hard to imagine.

I had received a last-minute invitation and was told that I should not miss the opportunity to hear Booker speak, so I found myself eagerly waiting for the event to begin. During his speech, I sat in awe of his presence and his skilled way of conveying his message of hope and his vision for the future. That night remains a reminder to me of all that we can do when we enter a debate with the openness to be convinced and not simply to be heard.

Schools provide many opportunities for young people to talk to each other, exchange ideas, and learn to embrace difference. Brimmer’s faculty use pedagogies that help guide students and encourage them to think critically, communicate their thoughts, and listen and respond to others. Discussions about texts in English classes, debates in history, group discussions about data interpretation in science class, and conversations about the importance of being a globally-focused school are all opportunities for doing just that.

We need more spaces like this. Over the last few years, we have separated ourselves as a society based on our ideas. While social media platforms have connected us in unfathomable ways, their algorithms have also filled our feeds with homogenous ideas. In Dr. Helen Riess’ book, The Empathy Effect, she shares that human beings are drawn to those who are similar. Cognitive science tells us that it requires more effort to invite new people into one’s personal circle because it requires finding similarities that may not be immediately obvious. Riess goes on to explain that people make decisions about one another in a matter of moments based on first impressions--how someone looks, how they sound, and their interests. The connection can shift or be deepened over time but, in order to do so, it requires a commitment to continuously learn more about each other through shared experiences and conversations.

Moving forward, we need to be willing to listen to each other and engage in discussions that are meant to build relationships and move us forward. We need to get better about being comfortable in uncomfortable situations. We need to be willing to invite Cory Booker to speak to a room full of conservatives, or Governor Charlie Baker to a room of liberals. The only way to combat the fear that Dr. King spoke of is to engage with one other instead of tuning each other out, and I am proud of the work that Brimmer’s faculty does every day and across all disciplines to help our students develop these skills.